Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
