so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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