And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
