I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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