party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
