Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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