Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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