We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
