The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dear god my vagina.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
