it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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