the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
