I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
