True but thats because hes a fetus.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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