I'm gonna have a badass scar
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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