I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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