As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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