she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
