she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize