Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Apparently you make a good broom.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
