ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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