I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
