Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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