do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
