btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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