Plan B is the new Plan A
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How's work?
Spinning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
