My room smells like vodka and shame
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
