Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
