I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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