either way he was missing a nipple.
pop tarts are not kleenex
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
