We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
