I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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