i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My vagina is very pro this idea
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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