It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
