I could have mohawked her pubes.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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