I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
