I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
