im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
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