Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
