That's intense
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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