I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
