If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
