I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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