mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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