im six kinds of drunk right now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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