hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
