Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
