i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
