if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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