i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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