i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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