hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
