oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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