Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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