Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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