just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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