Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
