Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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