Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
