still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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