I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my phone needs a breathalizer
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize