instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
