he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
