Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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