Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
