I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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