Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This girl is more easily done than said...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
