She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i need some magic done to my vagina
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
