did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Randomize
