I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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