I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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