If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize