I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
