so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
