Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
