closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
